Rob looks them over and replies: “That one only has one ringer. These other ones have two.”

I sigh heavily, look at the door bell kit in my hand, then at the other “two ringer” kits on the shelf in front of me. I notice Rob becoming restless as he tries meaningfully to scan this shelf and that.

“You don’t have to stay here while I struggle with this. You can go off and look around if you want.”

“I think the one you’ve got is fine,” he says, “but okay, I’ll look around for a bit.”

I sigh again. I could stand here all day weighing the pros and cons of each of the different wired and wireless models of door bells… and still not make up my mind.

“Rob, it’s sad, but I just don’t like the ringer with this one. It’s so… white.”

“You could paint it with a metallic paint, you know, the kind that gives it a ‘hammered’ finish.”

Soon we are checking out the wonders of modern spray paint. Gone are the days of the blobby, forever splattering spray paint can. Now, you too can create wonders in faux finishes.. from wood grain, mottled stone, to hammered metal!

So I bought the wireless two-tone chime door bell kit with single ringer, and a can of “hammered brass” metallic spray paint. Like two conquering heroes, poised for the next battle, we strut through the big-box store’s exit.

The next day, I spread out the various parts of the new door bell on the coffee table. Steam playfully rises from my coffee, the cat slumbers on a nearby chair. All was right with the world, and I was ready to proceed.

I decided to test this newfangled “wireless” door bell. I popped open the ringer case, crammed in the batteries and closed it up again. I did the same with the chime unit. Imagine, I could take this very chime unit 100 yards away from that ringer there, and it will still ring when someone presses the button. The mighty signal passing through walls, brick, bone and flesh. A great call from beyond!

With great excitement, my finger paused over the ringer button, I wonder: what will the chime sound like? The trumpets of all the Heavenly Hosts? The great bells of Notre Dame? I press down on that button, and a grainy, digital-sounding “ding dong” launches full blast from the chime. The cat disappears.

I discover her upstairs, eyes as big as plates. She went from being totally asleep to “wild-cat on the second floor” in the span of a two-tone chime. I lovingly pat her on the head, and quietly wonder if I could ever move that fast.

I do my damndest to disassemble the door bell ringer, in preparation for the hammered metal painting. I decide to tape the white ringer button instead. I head to the basement, set up my painting safe-zone with newspaper, and begin to spray away. It sort of does the ‘hammered metal’ thing, kind of bumpy looking. The colour sure is working though. It looks fabulous!

Next, I install the chime. Just hang it on a screw in the front hall. Still easy to take it down, just in case I decide to go up to 100 yards away! I go back downstairs to check the drying paint on the ringer. Oh boy, I can’t wait! When the paint is finally dry, I install the ringer base plate on to the storm door surround so you can’t miss it. Then the brassy ringer face goes on with a “click.” Disco door bell… I love it! Without thinking, I push the button. About twenty minutes later I find the cat under the bed, and give her reassuring scratches.

With my entire project a success, I can’t wait for our first guests to arrive. Will I be quietly reading by the fireplace when it rings? Or perhaps sitting on the sofa, my arm around my wife, watching an intriguing documentary on PBS? In the end, it’s the next day, I’m upstairs checking e-mail, and I hear the door bell ring. I pass the cat on the stairs, she running for cover, me running for the door. I’m so excited!

“Hello, we’re here today to give you this brochure about the West Nile Virus.”

“Oh, thank you,” I say as I take the brochure. I turn it over as the nice man brings out his bible. On the back of the brochure I read “Jehovah Witness..” and read no further.

I interrupt the nice man as he begins to introduce the other nice man with him. I return the brochure to his hand and say with a warm smile, “No thank you.”

“Oh… ok…” he replies.

“But thank you. And have a wonderful day!”

For I am grateful they stopped by and gave me a sign. It wasn’t in the brochure or the aborted biblical discussion. No my friends, God is in the little things… and that little door bell works really well!

Andrew Duff will continue to stay calm, be brave, and wait for more ding dongs at his home in Toronto, Canada.